Angela's story

I have family members who disowned me for a number of years, because they couldn’t understand my mental health. They saw me with my singing career and would say, “What has she got to be depressed about?”  

One relative, who hadn’t spoken to me for six or seven years, got back in touch when they were approaching the end of their life, and they seemed to have accepted me again. I asked what had changed, and they said they’d seen celebrities coming forward and speaking about their mental health, and they thought that if they could struggle, anyone could. I found that quite frustrating – why take their word over mine? Why was my word not good enough? But I’m glad we got to reconnect before they passed away. 

I do understand that some people just don’t get it. I had another relative who would pass my house regularly. I had a period where I was really unwell, I had carers coming in to look after me, and they would still pass my house and not stop by to check in or even drop off some milk. It was easier to ignore it. I don’t know if that’s stigma, but there’s a definite lack of understanding. 

I’ve been single for the last 18 years out of choice.

When I was in a relationship, the guilt I felt that if I had a bad episode... Even though they were absolutely fine with it – it was me that was the problem. I felt like I was taking them on the rollercoaster with me, and I could not handle the guilt. It made me suicidal, if I'm honest. So I just decided, my life is much simpler if I’m own my own. 

Friends are always trying to set me up with people because they can't understand why or how I could be happy or my own. And I'm like, if you lived in my world, you would understand. It's more straightforward, more comfortable. So it’s me and my dog, and I'm happier this way. 

If people want to support someone close to then who experiences poor mental health or a mental illness, the first thing they should do is educate themselves on the illness.  But also to be aware that you can’t read a textbook and expect that your friend or loved one is going to present precisely as that textbook says. There will be similarities, but every disorder is a spectrum, so you're going to have different you're not going to have every single symptom on that spectrum.  

Another good thing to do is offer to go to appointments with them. Just the offer would have meant something to me. It helps the friend get an understanding, but it also helps the individual. A lot of appointments I came out of, if I wasn't well, I'd forget what they said. Having that support would mean a lot.