When it's not 'okay not to be okay'

Sometimes we do not want to hear this at all despite the exhortations for openness; it is just not okay to talk. Sometimes it is so not okay we hide that little bit more, shut up, go silent and try to avoid the painful truths.  

When do we hide? And when is it not okay to be who we are? 

It is okay to be in work so our employers can boast that they employ us. It is not okay when we actually do the ‘mentally ill stuff’ and they don’t know what to do. The ‘please don’t make it real’ thing.  

It’s okay to be so un-okay we don’t work. However, we are the benefits frauds and scroungers. We are the source of the country’s sorrow, its insurmountable debt. Apparently, it is good for us to work, good for our mental health but really? Really? 

It is okay to be mentally ill, but not okay if we are schizophrenic and don’t want to take our meds. Then we are irresponsible monsters.  

It is okay to be not okay, but please be not okay in a nice way. It really is not okay if we are really not okay at all. Don’t get angry or emotional. Don’t get bitter, don’t worry us with your opinions and your past.  

It is okay to not be OK, but only as long as we don’t want help and activity and safe places or support or somewhere to meet our peers. 

It is okay to not be okay as long as we are not in crisis, then you won’t come to us. You will call the police on us and send us home at midnight when the buses have stopped.  

It is okay not to be okay as long as we are not so un-okay we need refuge and hospital and safety; watch the pounds in the accountant’s eyes.   

It is okay not to be okay, as long as we are decent and respectable. Don’t have addictions, don’t be homeless, don’t struggle to live, don’t ever commit a crime. If you do that – well, you know the result.  

It is okay to not be okay, but only if we fit the label, the perfect diagnosis; fall apart, cause some chaos and prison is the end for you. 

It’s okay not to be okay, but not if we are not ‘okay’ in some other way; don’t be black or gay or trans or a woman; just don’t. 

It's okay to not be okay, but not okay not to be grateful. 

It’s also not okay to ask for help but then stick to our own beliefs about illness, our own views on what we want you to do to help. 

And being okay when we are not meant to be okay, that’s pretty bad too; laughing, loving, giggling, teasing, clubbing, partying, holidaying; are you well after all? 

It really is okay to not be okay, but not if we are so ill we can’t get to the clinic, not if we are so ill we do not pick up the phone or log on to ‘Near Me’; then not being okay is about not needing help after all. 

It is okay to not be okay, but only if we are independent and resilient and hopeful and responsible and keen to get better.  

It’s okay not to be okay as long as we do not need any help at all.  

To be honest, it was never okay to not be okay.   

You can read Graham’s Substack blog at grahammorgan.substack.com.