I am 41 years old and was first diagnosed with depression about 4 years ago when I walked into my doctors surgery and just broke down in tears. I work for Police Scotland in a seconded post representing staff across the organisation.
Since then I have had reoccurring episodes, each taking longer to recover.
The treatment I have had has been patchy, counselling has only been offered through work until recently.
I had one GP who every appointment asked me if I had a drink problem or used drugs. I accepted this for the first and second appointments. But in the following appointments I found this insulting and frustrating. I very rarely drink, less than one a month, and have never touched drugs. They do not interest me. She even commented one day that I must be feeling better as I was not wearing dark clothing for a change. Actually, it was all I had that did not require ironing.
I have found that people make assumptions that I cannot cope with work when I tell them that I have depression. I am told I do not need to attend meetings as it will be too much. They do not ask how I feel and what I can cope with. To me, too little work is more worrying than having too much.
My diagnosis has been questioned as I approach life with a smile on my face. I laugh at myself. Basically I have become very good at hiding my emotions from people.
Now I am becoming more comfortable with my diagnosis and learning to recognise my thought patterns and behaviours. I believe this has been with me for many more years than the four that I have been diagnosed. I now believe this stems from my teens and hope to explore this moving forward.Back to stories
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