Supporting friends and family members through mental illness
If a friend or family member told you about a physical illness you would probably feel concern and sympathy and offer your support and reassurance. Reacting the same way if someone tells you about their mental health problem can really help them to recover.
Some general advice:
- One of the most important things to remember about mental ill-health is that people can and do recover.
- Don't shy away from the issue. Ask questions, listen to ideas, and be responsive. Ask what you can do to help.
- Remember that your friend or family member is likely to be very nervous about telling you how they feel.
- Put aside any preconceived notions you might have about mental ill-health and listen to your friend's individual circumstances.
- Don't dismiss a person's worries - express your interest and concern.
- You don't have to have all the 'right' answers, simply listening shows you care.
- Remember that the mental health problem being experienced by your friend or family member is only a part of who they are.
- People with mental health problems often feel excluded, lonely and alone. Reassure your friend that you still care about them and include them in your everyday plans.
It worked for me!
Below we've listed some practical things that people have offered to us - these are just some of the ways in which anyone can make a difference to a friend or family member who has a mental health problem.
"I recently experienced a period of ill health and the simple things such as a friend popping in for a coffee and a chat, or a wee card with 'you are one in a million' from a pal who didn't know how to talk to me about my condition helped enormously. As my depression made me withdrawn I was avoiding contact with folk so the ones who took the time to reach out and take the time to talk to me really meant something".
“ My friend helped me to look up information on the internet about the anti-depressants I’d been prescribed as I was nervous about starting to take them and thought there was no way back from that, that it made the illness somehow ‘official’. Another friend emailed me and told me that she’d also been on anti-depressants: what the side effects were for her and what she felt the benefits had been. It helped me to feel supported”.
“ My sister lives hundreds of miles away and, to be honest, I just didn’t feel up to having long conversations with anyone over the phone. She seemed to understand and, when things were at their worst, she always just texted me twice a day. Once before I went to bed, to wish me a good night’s sleep, and then again in the morning to check how I was. It helped to know that there was someone out there who cared about me.”
“ My husband really struggled with my being ill at first. I think he always wants to have the right answer and to solve things and this he just couldn’t - and he found that frustrating. I would feel as if he was getting angry with me and it made me feel even worse. But there were a lot of practical things he could and did do which made a big difference.
He took the dog out for her morning walks and came again with me in the afternoon so I wasn’t out on my own. He drove me where I needed to go because I lost my confidence and couldn’t drive. He made me a cup of tea every morning and brought it to me in bed. And he began to listen and not feel like he had to have the answer to everything. He’s a lot better now at telling me when he thinks I’m going to get ill again”.
“My boss made it clear to me that she believed that I would get better – when I didn’t believe I ever would. She kept in touch with me while I was off work and I knew she wanted me back. I also liked that she listened to me and appreciated what I said when it all took longer than I thought it would”.
“My best mate dragged me to her flat and just listened. Even when I was being incoherent. She lent me a meditation disk and book and – although I was a bit wary of it – I was grateful for anything, anything that would help”
“This is the first time that I’ve really felt able to open up to friends and family members about what was going on for me. I was very surprised at how supportive they were and just a little bit of support from most of them did me fine. A couple of friends were struggling themselves at the time and couldn’t be there for me but I’m able to understand that any of us can only give the support we can”
“ My mate took me out for some good walks in the middle of the day when I felt at my best”.
“It sounds daft but – when everything was really bad and I just wanted to stay in bed all the time, my boyfriend bought me some new pyjamas! It seems odd to say it now but it felt fantastic at the time. I’m easily pleased….”
Anyone who wants to email what worked for them, please contact
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and title your email ‘It Worked For Me'. Thanks a lot!